What I Want To Know Is Which HBO Show She Borrowed That Merkin From
Obviously, Game of Thrones is the safest guess. But there’s something about that raggedy-ass pit wig that’s giving me shades of Paz de la Huerta’s worn out cooch carpet from Boardwalk Empire.
Madonna is constantly evolving, and since her latest reinvention is into your 16-year-old cousin who’s sole purpose in life is to monitor the number of Instagram likes she gets, she’s posted yet another selfie. Except this time, she’s temporarily shifted the focus away from her crazy veiny arms and her silicone steroid sacs and fine-grit sandpaper face by flashing some pit hair. Sorry, I should have throw some quotation marks around “pit hair” because there’s no way Madonna’s armpits grow out a small thatch of strawberry blonde hair. If her bush (NSFW unless you work at a merkin factory) is any indication of what grows naturally from her body, then her armpit should have looked like Rafi from The League.
But the real travesty here isn’t that pathetic teen ‘stache she’s glued to her arm-crotch; it’s that messy extra thick n’ juicy grease pencil browjob above her eye! Excuse you, Madge – that is NOT an eyebrow! That’s an angry caterpillar scoochin’ its way off her forehead and saying “Fuck you, I’m leaving! You need an eyebrow so bad, you can use that hairy ho in your armpit.”
Pic: Madonna