Thor’s Wife Elsa Pataky Probably Birthed Out Twins Yesterday (UPDATE)

Brace your ovaries (and if you don’t have ovaries, get ready to grow some), because we might soon get pictures of a topless Chris Hemsworth cradling two twin newborns who are half the size of one of his “snake swallowing an alligator” biceps. Because TMZ said yesterday that his Elsa Pataky, wife and the mama je’e (it’s been TOO long since I’ve typed that) of their 2-year-old daughter India Rose, was in the middle of getting two twins pulled out of her body at Cedars Sinai in L.A. yesterday. I’m picturing Chris Hemsworth in his Thor drag pulling each baby out with one hand before biting the umbilical cords off with his teeth and shushing their cries by softly singing a Nordic lullaby into their little baby ears. There’s not many details except for this riveting detail from TMZ:

It’s ultra-high security in their hospital suite … we’re told 2 security guards are standing at the door. Chris is strolling the hallway and is being escorted with a guard.

Chris Hemsworth’s contract with Marvel probably states that he must name his second and third born Thor and Loki (I hope), but if it doesn’t and they’re sticking with the countries in Asia and flower theme, I hope they name their twins Turkmenistan Daffodil and Uzbekistan Amaryllis. Or if that Fashion Police dude was right about Elsa’s beer belly, then she totally gave birth to a keg and a 12-pack.

UPDATE: Thor’s rep tells UsWeekly that Elsa gave birth to twin boys. I’m still pulling for the names Turkmenistan Daffodil and Uzbekistan Amaryllis.