Damnit damnit damnit fuck fuck shit. Well, that’s just great. I thought I’d found true love the minute I laid eyes on that check Frank Ocean returned to Chipotle after backing out of a commercial and the beautiful, eloquent message contained within, but now TMZ is saying that Frank Ocean didn’t actually write FUCK OFF in the memo line of the check before he sent it back. What a shame; a true blue cunt is really hard to come by these days.
Shortly after Frank posted a picture of his Chase-blue middle finger to Chipotle, TMZ says that a rep for the awful burrito chain (real truth; I’ve never had a burrito from Chipotle that didn’t taste like a cold, guac-filled diaper) came forward to defend their honor and blow a shady kiss at Ocean by saying that the cheque they received had a blank memo line. Which means that the FUCK OFF check Frank posted to his Tumblr was photoshopped. I know! Something on the internet wasn’t real? MON DIEU!
So Frank Ocean isn’t actually the shady-shader I thought he was. God, I feel like such a fool! Now what am I supposed to do with this engagement ring, 3 dozen long-stemmed roses, and instructions for a sky writer to write ‘I’LL BE FRANK…MY LOVE FOR YOU IS ENDLESS, LIKE AN OCEAN’? I mean, I always sorta knew he wouldn’t be totally into it, but I figured we could work something out. Like I bake cookies while he writes FUCK OFF on shit around the house; you know, normal husband/wife stuff. Well, I guess it’s back to searching for true love on ShadeThrowingHatersWhoDontGiveAFuck.com for me.