Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 21, 2014 / Posted by:

The curtain-obsessed Curtain Lady at Quality Curtain Outlet in Coventry, RI!

Here we were all thinking that nobody is obsessed with anything the way that Kanye is obsessed with Kanye, but a new challenger has arrived. Nobody has ever been obsessed with anything as much as this bleached blonde blossom from Rhode Island is obsessed with curtains (or “currens” as she calls them) from Quality Curtain Outlet in Coventry. Every night she lies down on the pile of currens she calls a bed, wraps herself up in the curren she calls a sheet and closes the skin currens over her eyeballs and dreams of slow dancing with a curren on a stream of currens in front of a mountain of currens. If a train was speeding toward her first born and a curren from Quality Curtain and she could only save one, we all know who it would be curtains for. (SPOILER ALERT: It wouldn’t be curtains for the curtain.)

These outtakes from an old commercial for Quality Curtain Outlet introduces us to the greatest salesperson who ever lived. The way she goes on about curtains is the same way I go on about the good shit at my weed shop. If Quality Curtain Outlet hired the Curtain Lady and made her their VP of Sales, they’d become #1 on Forbes List of Most Powerful Companies in America in a matter of days. She really could sell curtains to a caveman. I really feel like I haven’t lived until I’ve bought a curtain from the Curtain Lady at Quality Curtain Outlet.

IT’S CURTAIN MADNESS! 

(For Joey)

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