In an attempt to have the sales of her album hit the 1,000 mark, Lagy Gaag (thanks autocorrect; I meant Lady Gaga, but Lagy Gaag works too) rubbed some cheap rouge into the cheeks of ARTPOP, thew some pebbles in its shoes to make it walk with a shimmy, and hustled that ho on NBC’s Today. Since we already know practically everything there is to know about Gaag’s latest attention-seeking stunt, including the recipe for the paint used (1/3 water, 1/3 desperation, a generous grant from the Born This Way foundation) the only thing that matters about the interview is that she teased the tiniest clip of the video for “G.U.Y.”
Normally, a new Lagy Gaag music video isn’t much to rip your panties over (if you’ve seen Gaag in her underwear once, you’ve seen it a thousand times) but G.U.Y. might actually be worth a watch, because Lagy takes a backseat to the real attention-starved messes: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! Seen above, you have Tipsy, Surly, Drunky, Fighty, and Botoxy all trying their hardest to pretend to play instruments in sexy pink Snuggies. Literally the only thing missing is Giggy Vanderpump taking a dump on the train of Gaga’s dress, and this would be a perfect video. Do they give out Oscars for music videos? What about BAFTAs?
Gaga plans to premiere the video for G.U.Y. at 8pm Saturday before Dateline NBC, which might seem like an odd choice, because why sell to teenagers when you can corner the lucrative market of seniors at home watching Chris Hansen catch predators. Regardless, you should all be crossing your fingers and toes on my behalf that Keith Morrison hosts that shit, because I NEED an over-it pepaw reaction to that video like you wouldn’t believe.
Here’s more of Lagy Gaag leaving for her appearance on Today looking like one of Karl Lagerfeld’s tapeworms: