Anna Wintour took a little time away from editing the May issue of Vogue with Courtney Stodden on the cover (I WISH!!!) to release her editor’s note explaining why she decided to put a soulless, hallowed out, talentless wax mannequin with the personality of popped bubble wrap on the April cover. Anna could’ve just said, “Um, I put Blake NotSoLively on the cover of Vogue TWICE, so putting soulless mannequins on the cover is sort of my thing as of late,” and we’d all be like, okay, okay, you’re right. But instead, the head madam of the Death Eaters spewed out some lukewarm shit about how Kim Kartrashian and Kanye West are currently the sheer definition of influential. Methinks Anna hasn’t been getting her usual supply of virgin’s blood and her brain isn’t operating at its fullest, because I’m pretty sure she’s mixing up “influential” and “influenza.” Here’s a piece of her note:
“Part of the pleasure of editing Vogue, one that lies in a long tradition of this magazine, is being able to feature those who define the culture at any given moment, who stir things up, whose presence in the world shapes the way it looks and influences the way we see it. I think we can all agree on the fact that that role is currently being played by Kim and Kanye to a T. (Or perhaps that should be to a K?)
As for the cover, my opinion is that it is both charming and touching, and it was, I should add, entirely our idea to do it; you may have read that Kanye begged me to put his fiancee on Vogue’s cover. He did nothing of the sort. The gossip might make better reading, but the simple fact of the matter is that it isn’t true.”
Death Eater, please. Here are the 4 reasons why Anna Wintour did it:
1. Every time she’d open her closet to pull out another $3,000 dress to wear, Kanye would pop out and scream, “PUTKIMONVOGUE!” Every time she opened up the door to the basement that’s full of the blood slaves she feeds from, Kanye would pop out and scream, “PUTKIMONVOGUE!” It screwed with her appetite, so she finally gave in.
2. Even though she’s a die-hard Death Eater, putting Kim on the cover gives her bonus points with the Illuminati.
3. Anna is a future-seer and knew that Buffy the Vampire Slayer would hate this. Buffy has killed a few of Anna’s kind, so this is payback.
4. She knows that shit will sell. Pimp Mama Kris will buy at least 200,000 copies to wallpaper the outside of her whore house headquarters with. And every medical professional will use the cover to treat patients with constipation. One look at Kim on the cover of Vogue and BOOM the runs.
Here’s Vogue’s newest
darling dingle going camera shopping while wearing a dress that a Midwestern, pregnant high school senior wore to her prom in 1968. The hell is she doing with her hands? Did someone ask her how wide her vag is or is she trying to make the Illuminati sign. Bitch can’t even make the Illuminati sign right.