“And Now, Ladies And Gentlemen, May I Proudly Present To You The Real Stars Of The Movie!”

March 20, 2014 / Posted by:

The marketing people behind that Captain America: Winter Soldier shit really dropped the ball tit, because ScarJo’s chichis should’ve gotten top billing over her, Chris Evans and even Samuel L. Jackson. At least someone (see: the genius staffer in the blue jeans) knows who the star attractions really are.

At the Hollywood premiere of Captain America 2, Woody Allen’s cheerleader (“Um, err, if she’s my cheerleader, can she bounce just a little bit more while cheering me on? Oh, what am I saying, she’s underage!” – Woody Allen) dressed herself up like a snooty French widow who found out her husband was broke after he died and was forced to get a job spraying perfume at a department store. At tonight’s UK premiere in London, a knocked up ScarJo dressed herself up like a drunk and WASPY mother of the bride at a Christmas Eve wedding. All that fabric at her crotch looks like a really elegant and sophisticated wave of period blood is coming out of her. And I’m going to guess that before her makeup artist painted on her eyeliner, the fire alarm of her hotel went off and they had to run out of there. She looks like this office manager at a place I used to work at who stupidly put on her makeup in the car while sitting in traffic and didn’t bother with the eyeliner, because she didn’t want to poke her eyeballs out.

In conclusion: looking like a messy mother of the bride with a half-painted face IS the look.

Here’s more of ScarJo, Chris Evans (who always looks like he’s staring at a beautiful sunset while totally constipated), Anthony Mackie, Samuel L. Jackson and other hos at the UK premiere tonight.

Pics: Wenn.com

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