On the left is what shot out of Brigitte Nielsen’s vagine nine months after she had unprotected, sloppy, casual fuck times with a cracked out, deranged raccoon behind some park bushes. On the right is what you see when you look at a drop of nectar from a unicorn’s nipple under a microscope. If you think these two look alike, your name is Pamela Anderson or you’re suffering from severe head trauma because an anvil just fell on you. If it’s the former, stop. If it’s the latter, stop reading this and immediately seek emergency medical attention.
Pamela Anderson chopped off her weave and hair a few months ago and yes, she looks good, but she has obviously gone crazy. Because she tells Elle that when she first saw herself in the mirror she thought she looked like Anderson Cooper. This. Bitch. Is. For. Real.
“At first I thought I looked like Anderson Cooper or like a Q-tip or something. But now I feel really powerful. I have a friend who is an awesome, studly man, and he goes, ‘You know, some women cut their hair and it makes them look even more masculine, but you look even more feminine.’ I thought it would be weird having sex with short hair but then I kind of got into the mode.”
Is she talking about Anderson Cooper as in The Silver Fox? Or is she talking about a different Anderson Cooper? Maybe she knows an Anderson Cooper who’s the child of Brigitte Nielsen and a cracked out, deranged raccoon? If she looked in the mirror and really thought she was Anderson Cooper, we would know about it. Because she’d be so horny for herself that she’d suction her cooch to the mirror and the fire department would have to use the jaws of life to pry her off. TMZ would’ve had a live feed of that.