When mega rich celebwhores let a magazine like Architectural Digest into their home to photograph it, it usually means that they’re about to sell that bitch, because do they really want to live in a mansion that us trashy, low-rent regulars have seen pictures of while flipping through a magazine in Barnes & Nobles before going to see Frozen or some shit? GROSS! So it didn’t surprise some that Gis Buttchin and her personal Barbie Deluxe Stylin’ Head Tom Brady are selling the Disneyland Paris Resort they call their L.A. home.
Four years ago, Gis and Tom wanted to show the lessers of Brentwood that their checking account has the biggest dick of all so they started building a mega estate that ended up looking like Mimi’s Cafe: The Hotel. The 4-acre ToGis estate is made up of a 14,000 square foot, 5 bedroom, 9 bathroom mansion, a moat, a wood bridge, a pond, a waterfall and an infinity pool. It’s the perfect little house for parents who hate their kids and don’t ever want to see their faces live and in person. (“Will they take a post-dated check for it?” – Kate Gosselin)
TMZ says that Gis and Tom are selling what Candy Spelling would consider a starter home for only $50 million. TMZ’s source says that Gis and Tom are done with L.A. and want to live in Boston permanently. They’re currently building another estate in Brookline, MA.
Gis and Tom are so full of caca. Yes, they’re so rich that they’re caca could be used as currency, but still. They’re not selling that mansion because they’re moving out of L.A. forever. They’re selling it, because Tom Brady won’t stop throwing a hissy fit tantrum over one VERY important detail. There’s no damn water slide on that estate! Building an estate for Tom Brady and not including a water slide is like building an estate for John Travolta and not including a glory hole. Fuck, Gis’ worldwide breastfeeding law. It should be against the law to build a water slide-less estate for Tom Brady. When they were done building that mansion, Tom should’ve screamed at them to tear that ugly shit down when he didn’t see the key to his heart in the backyard. Because the world stops turning when Tom Brady doesn’t go WEEEEEEEEEEEE.