At the end of last night’s season premiere of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Whos, the Jimmy MacElroy-looking ass ice dancer who is used to working with a partner and has dance training was at the top of the leaderboard, of course, and the 76-year-old pepaw who’s got arthritis of the back and has had two hip-replacement surgeries was lying at the bottom of the bottom. Those DWTS judges continue to be pepaw-phobic trash!
We already know that either Charlie White or the come-to-life Megara Meryl Davis will win that low-rent disco ball trophy, because that mess is rigged. But the most entertaining performance of the night (and probably the entire season) came from Billy Dee Williams and his partner Emma Slater who paid homage to Star Wars with help from R2-D2, stormtroopers and Ewoks (aka Kardashians in their natural form). Billy Dee moved like me after pulling my back out from jogging around the block, and a frozen Han Solo would’ve bust out more dance moves than he did. But what Billy Dee lacked in dance skills, he made up for in YAASSS!
Billy Dee is 76, his body has been through some shit and him being on DWTS is keeping IcyHot in business. Billy Dee for the win. I just wish that at the end of that performance, Billy Dee pulled out a light saber and used it to disintegrate that raggedy possum nest on Carrie Ann Inaba’s head. The world is an unfair place, so Billy Dee will be kicked off in the next two weeks, but at least we’ll have that glorious performance. I wish I had a can of Colt 45 so I could toast to that.
And here’s my second favorite performance of the night, which came from NeNe Leakes. Bitch served up “amateur night at a Bullwinkle-themed strip club” glamour. I really hope that NeNe stays till the end and I hope Tony Dovolani remains her partner, because I really want to see him try to lift her. I can already hear his spine weeping over the sheer fear of it all.
But NeNe does owe me a new TV screen. Because I cracked mine after I threw an apple at her goofy, hungry horse smile.