Nothing brings me more joy than hearing a tiny human talk about Elmo using the kind of language that would make your raunchiest trailer park aunt blush. It’s an enjoyable kind of trashy, like referring to toilet paper as “ass rag” or deep-fried Mountain Dew sandwiches. And it sounds like Jason Bateman agrees, because in a recent GQ+A interview about his new film Bad Words, Jason talked about how familiar his daughter Maple Bateman is with Class-4 expletives:
GQ: Do you actually swear anywhere near as often as your character?
Jason Bateman: I tend to use as many as I can think of. I don’t do it around my 7-year-old, but I do around my 2-year-old, because she doesn’t know what the hell I’m saying yet.
GQ: What’s your go-to swear word?
Jason Bateman: Motherfucker is pretty good.
Motherfucker is pretty good, especially when the situation calls for it, but sadly it’s one of those words that will get you a non-verbal side-eye beat down from strangers if you say it in public. It’s the catchiest of 22’s: you accidentally sit down in a urine-soaked bus seat, or some clueless trick runs over your foot with a shopping cart, and you’re not able to let out a good motherfucker because out of the corner of your eye you spot the little ears of an innocent chirrun, so instead you have to use some made-up shit like muffin puffer or mother father chinese dentist. I know; these are the real tragedies.
But more importantly than his gloriously casual use of the word motherfucker…Jason Bateman named his daughter MAPLE BATEMAN?? Bless him and his wife for gifting her with such a delicious sounding name. Maple Bateman? More like Maple Bacon. I need to stop thinking about Maple Bateman’s name; I just imagined a maple bacon pancake stick swaddled in a baby blanket, and that’s all kinds of wrong.