I still can’t with “I Luh Ya Papi.” Not today. Not ever. I know it’s supposed to sound all sexy and cutesy and shit, but no. It sounds like something a 3-year-old with a lisp and a burnt tongue would say to her dad. Or like something that would come out of Drew Barrymore’s mouth while she hugged a puppy.
At the beginning of JLo’s video, a human Botox needle with scruff spits out ideas for her video and eventually her Fly Girls say that she should really switch shit up by objectifying man ass since dudes have been objectifying lady ass for centuries. You know, make dudes the video hos like Madge did in 1989 and Olivia Newton-John did in 1981. But my tingling nipples and comatose b-hole lips thank JLo for bringing the chonies section of the International Male catalog circa 1996 to life!
I’m going to turn down the hate a bit and try to say a few nice things about this video instead:
1. I like that the YouTube player has a mute button. That is a very useful feature and I used it about 10 seconds into the song. TYYT (thank you, You Tube)!
2. MAN NALGAS! MAN NALGAS! MAN NALGAS!
3. MAN NIPPLES! MAN NIPPLES! MAN NIPPLES!
4. NO CASPER SMART! I was preparing my eyes for the vision of JLo rubbing her body all over that shirtless Monchichi and my retinas breathed a sigh of relief when it didn’t happen. JLo cares, sometimes.
Anyway, keep fucking that chicken, JLo, and keep giving us videos starring a hot piece buffet. Just make sure that the mute button is always in a clear and easy-to-find place.