There Might Be Trouble In Crazy-Pants Paradise

March 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Color me shocked to hear the rumblings that the romance might be dead in Halle Berry and Oliver Martinez’s drama-loving Camelot. I was under the impression that when two fight-happy fools got together they mated for life like swans and penguins, feeding off each others screams and tantrums and funnelling all that energy into crazy bed-breaking sex. At the very least, I thought that when the inevitable happened and their relationship dried up like a crusty cat turd it would end with some plate-smashing or shed burning, but according to the Daily News, it’s much less exciting:

Berry and Martinez have not been seen in public together in months. Making whispers of their split even stronger, Berry was not wearing her wedding ring as the special guest at a post-Oscars party. Meanwhile, Martinez was nowhere to be seen.

The formerly PDA-loving couple were last seen in public together on Dec. 7 looking glum as they took in a performance of “The Lion King” at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood.

The Lion King probably makes them sad because the first 3 seconds of AHHH ZABENYA serves as a constant reminder that they really should have named their son Simba.

So that’s all we’ve got to go on right now. Not being seen in public together in months. Not wearing a wedding ring. Frowny-faces during Hakuna Matata. All of which seems way too low-key and dignified for the drama school theatrics of Halle and Oliver. I won’t believe they’re truly splitting up till there’s a pap video of Halle whipping her wedding band at Oliver’s face in a Whole Foods parking lot after accusing him of Facebooking some ex-girlfriend from high school, who in turn kicks a pap and accuses them of invading his privacy, all while Gabriel Aubry sits on the hood of a car laughing to himself with a beer and a bag of popcorn. Then I’ll believe it’s officially over.

(Pic: Wenn)

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