The “Something New” At Stacy Keibler’s Wedding Was The Fetus In Her Womb

March 13, 2014 / Posted by:

You know how when you’re told you can’t have something and then when you finally get it in front of you, you gobble all of it up? (“Why are all of you bitches looking at me?” said Jessica Simpson with half of Outback’s menu smeared all over her mouth the day her Weight Watchers contract ends) I think that’s what happened to Stacy Keibler. While she was George Clooney’s contracted awards season escort, she couldn’t say the word “marriage” without one of his assistants tasering her in the head and if she so much as awwww’d at a baby in his presence, he’d write her up for insubordination. So now that she’s no longer under contract with Clooney, bitch is going all out.

Stacy married businessman type Jared Pobre (the monocle-less Mr. Peanut above) on a beach in Mexico last week after knowing him for 5 years and dating him for around 7 months. Page Six says that Stacy’s wedding march was probably the sound of a shotgun firing into the air, because a baby is growing in her body. Page Six says that if you look at the EXCLUSIVO pictures of Stacy’s wedding in People, you’ll notice that she’s hiding her growing fetus bubble in most of them.

Pictures of their nuptuals appear in this week’s People magazine, with no mention of the pregnancy. The photos for the People spread are carefully posed, apart from one picture on the contents page which reveals a sizeable bump.

So I guess one of the side effects of being in a “no marriage, no babies” contract relationship with George Clooney is after that contract ends you may rip off all your clothes, lube up your cooch, jump on the first piece available and bareback hump on him until a fetus puts a NO VACANCY sign on your womb. Good for Stacy, I guess, and good for Jared Poor and good for the baby whose name I’m guessing will be Suckit Clooney Pobre.

Pic: People (DUH)

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