Cameron Diaz Apologizes For Aging Like A Normal Person

March 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Ever since Cameron Diaz created a religion around staring down reality in a 12x magnifying mirror and started devoting all her time to spreading the good word of The Body Book, I’ve received more unsolicited advice about pussies and pubes than the first time I walked in on a group of shameless old ladies showering at the public pool. So I’m thankful she decided to skip the exhaustive chapter on vaginas during her latest doorbell ring and focus on wrinkly faces instead. E! says that in an upcoming OWN special, Cameron Diaz & Sharon Stone: Aging Gracefully, Cameron gets real with Oprah about how difficult and depressing it is not look like a Seventeen cover model anymore.

“Women don’t allow other women to age gracefully, and we don’t give ourselves permission to age gracefully. And they’re trying. For me I feel like if I—it’s almost as if we have failed if we don’t remain 25 for the rest of our lives. Like we are failures.  It’s a personal…failure. Like our fault that at 40 years old that I still don’t look like I’m 25.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I apologize,” Diaz says, feigning indignance as the audience laughs and applauds. ”I wasn’t able to defy nature.”

I’ll slow clap for Cameron for admitting what we already know: that aging sucks and everyone’s face gets old and that Botox makes you look about as natural as a fucking piece of wax fruit. It’s a nice change from the 40-year-old actresses who’s faces has been pulled tighter than a pair of size small Spanx over a Kardashian’s ass talking about their secret to youth being “good genes, 8 glasses of water, and lots of sleep”. Which is complete bullshit because you could chug the contents of a water cooler and sleep like a sloth that swallowed the contents of a tranq dart, and still wake up every morning with Clint Eastwood’s eyes and Harry Styles’s skin.

And if Cameron is wondering who’s doorbell she should ring next, someone should casually slip her Renee Zellweger’s home address.

(Pic: Splash)

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