Open Post: Hosted By Jordan Catalano And Lupita Nyong’o

March 11, 2014 / Posted by:

And this keeps happening. One minute, there’s rumors that Lupita Nyong’o is hearing the words, “Honey, touch anything but the hair,” every night, because she’s doing Jared Leto. The next minute, there’s rumors that she’s dating a Canadian rapper whose name doesn’t start with “Wheelchair” and doesn’t end with “Jimmy.” And now here’s pictures of the delicate vampire Jesus and Lupita eating a meal in Paris together. Eh, it’s probably nothing. They’re just having a kiki and sharing beauty secrets. But Uncle Terry was there and he’s the one who took these pictures.

If you’re having a really hard time pissing today because your genitals jumped off of your body, crawled to the nearest catholic church and are now cleansing themselves in holy water, I’m going to guess that you read the latest Uncle Terry horror story that made the rounds yesterday and today. A woman wrote about how when she was 19, she went to a photo shoot thinking she was going to take some regular, old naked pictures with Uncle Terry and she walked out with his dried jizz on her face.

So, well, here’s Lupita posing for Uncle Terry and worse, she’s wearing his hipster goggles. When her cheek skin rots and slips off of her face and she gets a quadruple dose of potent pink eye, she’ll realize that putting that nasty skank’s glasses on wasn’t the best life decision she’s made.

Pics: Terry’s Diary via ONTD

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