Lorde, the Emily the Strange doll with a spiral perm who was brought to life by The Craft witches, and 7 year high school senior Taylor Swift are friends, because 24-year-old Taylor has to take every teenage celebrity girl under her wing. Taylor has a lot of ~wisdom~ to share with the youngins, and teenagers won’t totally judge her when she wants to do something edgy like steal two bottles of Mike Hard’s Cranberry Lemonade from 7-Eleven and drink ’em under the bleachers after curfew.
The two have been papped together, so while talking about her upcoming tour in Australia on KIIS 1065’s Kyle & Jackie Show, trolling radio troll Kyle Sandilands asked Lorde about her relationship with the walking Big Sister Club of America (And Beyond). Kyle tried to act like he wasn’t asking Lorde if her and Taylor are starring in a real-life remake of Blue Is The Warmest Color (but since it’s Taylor, it would be called Lemon Meringue Blonde Is The Warmest Color), but that’s what he was asking. Lorde wasn’t here for his Taylor Swift questions or for his lesbian jokes.
Kyle: Are you bringing your new bestie Taylor Swift? I see you guys in pictures everywhere. Are you guys together now?
Kyle: Not together, like as in lesbian, I’m not talking “Ellen” together. I’m talking about, you guys are friendly, right?
Lorde: What do you mean you’re not talking about “Ellen together.” Is there something wrong with lesbians? Is that what you’re trying to say?
Kyle: Oh my god no, I would love that. I would totally love that. Are you going to confirm you’re in a lesbian relationship with her?
Lorde: Don’t even try it.
The hell kind of question is that? Lorde is 17 (here comes the Lorde age truthers) and I know Taylor is a chickenhawk who likes them young, but I’m pretty sure 18 is her cut off. Lorde & Taylor (I bought my mom a scarf there once) are just a teenage girl and a 24-year-old woman who thinks she’s a teenage girl doing teenage girl stuff together as friends! That’s all. Besides Taylor doesn’t have time for a full-time relationship. She’s much too busy doing other things like breaking into Karlie Kloss’ closet and taking notes of all the clothes in there so she can buy the same things and studying hours upon hours of footage of Karlie Kloss’ breathing pattern so she can replicate it. Dating a 17-year-old? That’s crazy. Taylor isn’t that creepy!