That’s the look that says “Why yes, you are catching top notes of asparagus and Nevada rest stop men’s room floor. If you give it a second, you should get a warm finish of Kindergarten nap time.”
During an appearance on Live! with Kelly and Michael, pap-hating elfin sloth enthusiast Kristen Bell answered some questions about the tight mermaid-style dress she wore to the Academy Awards, and just like everything in life, the convo turned to pissing. According to People, when co-host Michael Strahan asked her if her Roberto Cavalli gown was comfortable to sit in (because that’s all you do at the Oscars is sit for a thousand hours) she replied:
“Nope. And I didn’t realize that until I got into it. There was a situation … there was a Mason jar involved.” When the audience giggled, she laughed and said, “Like you guys haven’t peed into a Mason jar before in a huge ball gown!”
I have so many questions (the first of which being “Ew?”): How many times was she pissing in that jar – was it a one-time thing, or did she have a small Smuckers jar tucked away in her purse, collecting piss like someone’s crazy backwoods Uncle? If the dress was so tight that she couldn’t pull it up to use a toilet, how did she have enough room to scootch a glass jar up there? Is jar pissing that common at the Oscars? Is there a poor washroom attendant who’s job it is to collect the endless jars of urine that collect in the ladies room? Forget the Pizza Guy, Urine Lady is the one who needs that $1000 tip.
And a note to Roberto Cavalli: people are pissing in your dresses. If you want your couture to stop being returned to you smelling like hospital bedsheets, start including a Stadium Gal with every dress.
I guess Kristen Bell learned her lesson, because here she is at the Veronica Mars premiere in New York wearing a dress that could easily accommodate popping a squat (bonus points for picking a color and a fabric that won’t show visible splash back):