Warning: Toxic Levels Of Douchery Ahead

March 10, 2014 / Posted by:

If Everlast found a way to turn Justin Bieber’s deposition video into a punching bag, they’d be the richest company on the planet and we’d all have broken knuckles and triceps the size of that little twat’s ego from punching that shit repeatedly. Because damn, the Biebs’ deposition video could be used as propaganda for the Abuelitas 4 Spanking League.

The runny bowel nugget that Canada shat onto the US was deposed last week in Miami for that lawsuit thrown at him by a paparazzo who was allegedly attack by his bodyguard and TMZ got a hold of the video. It’s smugness triple wrapped in arrogance and covered with several layers of thick, frothy dick cheese. The Biebs’ face contorts into an arrogant smirk at almost every question that the paparazzo’s lawyer asks him. The Biebs pretends he doesn’t know Usher’s government name, he asks if it’s a deposition or an interview, he calls the lawyer Katie Couric and his anus lips pop off when he’s asked about Selena Gomez. It’s the most hilarious thing this wet piece of tampon lint has ever done. He’s a spoiled, bratty, shit head toddler one minute and a know-it-all asshole dad the next. It’s one hundred percent pure douche and I think my asshole is cleaner from watching it. Kanye and King Joffrey both watched this and said at the same time, “Tone it down, bitch, tone it down.”

I’ll stop, because you really should just watch this mess for yourself. But before you hit play, Gorilla Glue your computer to your desk, because you will want to throw it against the wall before taking a sledgehammer to it.

Where was an abuelita with a chancleta when we all needed one most?! Every time that popped nipple pimple smirked, I thought to myself that if I did that in front of my abuelita, I wouldn’t be able to smirk again, because my face would be paralyzed from her slapping me with all her rings on. The next time the Vanilla Ice butt plug is deposed, the other side should bring an abuelita with them for ammunition. The abuelita wouldn’t even have to slap him. She’d raise a switch at him and he’d go running out of the room while screeching like a kid who was pepper sprayed in the face by a trans flower on the subway.

And the words, “I think I was detrimental to my own career,” will one day be etched into his career’s tombstone.

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