Wow. That giant space between the crotches of Anne Hathaway and her husband Adam Shulman just gave me flashbacks to middle school dances chaperoned by prude-y killjoys who used to walk around making sure nobody was grazing no-nos to Joan Osbourne’s One of Us. All that’s missing is a whiff of shoplifted Tribe and the taste of Orbitz and my brain would have a full-on meltdown.
Anne Hathaway took a break from whatever it is she’s been doing lately (sing-screaming songs from Pippin to her Oscar until she passes out from joy) and flew to Miami with her husband for a vacation. Normally when you hear the words hot celebrity beach makeout, your ears perk up and you pray that you’re about to see pictures of a sweaty, half-naked Joe Manganiello frolicking on the shore with a mermaid like Brucie Jenner, but sadly these picture of Anne Hathaway on the beach are no more than a literal description. She’s a celebrity, she’s on the beach, she’s making out with a person, and I’m assuming it’s hot because statistics show that Miami frequently experiences temperatures in the mid-to-high 80s.
But only Anne Hathaway and her husband A-Shul could suck the sex out of Miami like they’re doing here. “Oooh baby, you know I like it when you wear those baggy saggy dad-trunks. I hope they conceal the raging boner you’re no doubt getting from my sun-protecting long-sleeved shirt. Oh yeah, hold me like you’re a Macy’s mannequin who’s been posed to look like they’re holding several throw pillows.”
Because I know you’re dying to see more of the fapworthy chemistry between Anne and her husband, here’s more of them getting extremely G-rated on the beach in Miami. And one very special picture of Mr. Anne flipping off the paps. Uh oh, don’t go starting shit with the people who could come between Anne and her first true love (pictures of herself).