Skeletor’s Ex-Wife Had To Leave Her House After She Was Repeatedly Called A Whore Over A Bullhorn

The world is a shit place and I will lose all faith in humanity if someone doesn’t name their band Whore Over A Bullhorn.

Marc Anthony’s ex-wife Dayanara Torres reached high for the gold digging stars last year when she filed papers in court to ask that her child support be raised from $13,000 a month to $113,000 a month. The starving orphans of the world and homeless hobos all shed a tear for Dayanara, because she’s so down and out that she has to live in an apartment with her two sons in the San Fernando Valley and she probably has to buy generic brands at Whole Foods and probably only has 1 car that’s a 2-year-old BMW. THE HORROR OF IT ALL! Dayarrhea cried that Skeletor makes over a million dollars a month, so $113,000 isn’t shit to him. They’re still fighting about this in court and TMZ says that Dayanara recently claimed in court that she was so hard up for money that she had to sell her house and move into that apartment in the Valley.

But Skeletor says in documents that when Dayanara’s mouth isn’t spitting out lies, it’s blowing married dudes and the latter is the real reason why she moved out of her house. He claims that Dayanara was screwing a married man and when the dude’s wife found out, she showed up to Dayanara’s house and did what Pimp Mama Kris does every afternoon to wake up her hos: she screamed the word “WHORE” through a bullhorn. The scorned wife would regularly show up to Dayanara’s house and scream through a bullhorn for the whole neighborhood to hear. Skeletor even had to send his security guards to her house to handle the raging whore caller. Dayanara was so desperate to move that she sold her house at a loss.

Dayanara denies that the bullwhorn fuckery ever happened.

I know nothing about Dayanara’s dude’s wife and I already love her with all of my being. It was love at first “whore” over a bullhorn.

And I wish that I was married to Skeletor for a second and found a way to birth out his kids, because then I’d have enough money to buy Dayanara’s old house. Some people want to wake up to the sound of birds chirping, I want to wake up to the sound of a mad lady screaming “WHORE” over a bullhorn. Fuck Folgers, that would be the best part of waking up.

Pic: Bauer Griffin