I feel like we’re only a matter of time from a primetime gameshow called “Who’s Lupita Nyong’o Dating?” because everyone and their mom NEEDS TO KNOW who the Oscar winner is letting take her to Red Lobster (not a euphemism; actually meant Red Lobster). Personally, I’m just relieved she’s no longer linked to HPV Hipster Emo Jesus Jared Leto.
According to the Daily Mail, rumours started to swirl around Lupita and Somali-Canadian rapper K’naan (government name: doesn’t matter, all I can think about is dipping naan bread into butter chicken sauce) after K’naan was seen holding Lupita’s Oscar and hugging her outside of the Live! with Kelly and Michael studio. K’naan also Instagrammed a picture of the two of them in December but it’s just their teeth, so that could mean they’re dating or just that they’re in some Dental Appreciation Club. But I’m going to choose to believe they’re dating because as far as Canadian rappers go, Lupita picked a good one. The heirachy is as follows:
J-Roc from Trailer Park Boys
Tom Green that time he had a rap career
And if you’re into a dude who can get you day-old donuts at the end of his shift at Tim Hortons, Snow
I like these two together; the nerd in me enjoys that “Nyong’o K’naan” sounds like the name of an over-it Klingon waitress from the nice Sizzler on Rigel V. Mazel you two! Mazel for as long as it takes before someone catches Lupita high-fiving Jake Gyllenhaal or photo-bombing Adam Driver, and K’naan is given the boot from “Who’s Lupita Nyong’o Dating?” (so…what do we think? About 24-hours?)