Mila Kunis Must Be Heavily Dickmatized Because She’s Agreed To Appear On Two And A Half Men

March 5, 2014 / Posted by:

It looks like Mila Kunis is thinking: “Did he just say I agreed to a guest spot on Two and a Half Men?!? Oh fuck. I was more dick-drunk than I thought last night. I need to get to a Dickaholics Anonymous meeting asap because I’m making mistaaaakes.”

Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis have only been engaged for a week and already they’re polishing up the ol’ self destruct button. Jesus, let her try on her first bedazzled Bride tracksuit before you go jinxing the shit out of this marriage, you two. According to CBS, Mila has chosen to give her relationship a slow-burning kiss of death, just like Denise Richards before her, by appearing opposite her fiancé on an upcoming episode of Two and a Half Men. In it, she’ll play “Vivian”, a free-spirited world traveler who shows up at Ashton Kutcher’s character’s house because who cares, it doesn’t matter (it’s Two and a Half Men, not Homeland). In a completely original Shyamalan-ian twist you never saw coming, Ashton falls in love with Vivian, but – RUH ROH – he was planning to propose to somebody else!

Ashton has recently said that he’s no longer that dude who pumps ‘em and dumps ‘em (ho please) so pretending to fall in love with a hot rando will show some serious range on his part (throw me a rope and help me out of this sarcasm chasm). And Mila can show what a truly great actress she is by acting like she isn’t completely embarrassed to be doing a single-episode guest-spot on a piece of trash like Two and a Half Men. Meanwhile, Jon Cryer will be in his dressing room cursing the production assistants for removing anything that could be used to help him kill himself and end the waking nightmare that is acting opposite Kelso from That 70s Show.

Here’s more of Kelso and Jackie at the Lakers game on Tuesday night, showing off THAT FINGER and eating out of brown paper rowboats. I don’t even know what they’re eating, but I’m sure it’s delicious because anything that comes from 8 years of stadium fry oil is always delicious.

(Pics: Splash)

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