Justin Bieber’s Urine Test Video From Jail Is Going To Be Released, But His Junk Will Be Blacked Out

March 5, 2014 / Posted by:

And praise fucking everything, because nobody but Justin Bieber’s pediatrician should ever see his potty trained pi-pi making wee-wee. Hell, even Pedobear wasn’t comfortable with the idea of looking at what was underneath My Buddy’s red overalls. So today we should all be pouring out a cup of sizzurp as a sign of respect for the poor soul at the Miami-Dade County police department who’s job it is to go in and blur out Tantrum Toddler’s crotch.

HuffPo says video clips of Justin’s time in jail will be released with appropriate censoring to protect his privacy, but not everyone agrees with the decision to do so. Both TT’s lawyers and the Miami-Dade County Judge agree that releasing the video would be an invasion of privacy and totally creepy because he looks like a fucking 9-year-old (I added that last part because they forgot to) but the state of Florida is a slut when it comes to their open records laws, so they’re releasing that piss video no matter what. If you see Pimp Mama Kris skulking around Miami-Dade County in the pantsuit she wears to piss video negotiations anytime soon, you’ll know why.

I understand that legally they have to release the video, but I’m not sure just what kind of person wants to see a video of Justin Bieber giving a urine test. This all feels like an elaborate set-up by Chris Hansen and the To Catch a Predator team. “You’ve chosen to view a video titled Justin Bieber Peeing. Why don’t you go ahead and take a seat over there.”

And because you need something to keep the NOPE sector in your brain busy between now and when that piss video is released, here are some pictures taken of TT’s tattoos while he was being held in police custody during his January arrest. I’d have to say my personal favourite is the shitty joker, but embarrassed-looking Jesus is a close second.

(Pics: Reuters)

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