There was a time when Jessica Alba’s main job was memorizing lines before saying those lines in front of a camera while giving off the emotion of wet corn starch, but nowadays she mostly spends her time Instramming and talking mom stuff to magazines who put her on their cover for some reason. During an interview with Redbook, MiserAlba talked about riveting shit like buying used furniture on Craigslist and then the interviewer brought up the whole “parents kissing their kids on the lips” thing. The interviewer told MiserAlba that some parents are against kissing their kids on the lips and that shocked her for some reason, which shocked the interviewer, because up until then they probably thought her only emotion was “……..”
MiserAlba on how she’s a normal because she buys stuff on Craigslist: “I bought my hot pink desk off Craigslist. I have a problem. I love vintage furniture, and refurbishing is one of the most eco things you can do. I also got a couple of cool chairs and Danish mid-century credenzas off of Craigslist.”
MiserAlba on how it’s weird when she’s hanging out with her mom friends and the paparazzi she texted shows up: “It’s weird when we’re doing normal mom things and there’s paparazzi around. That’s the only thing that makes everyone uncomfortable.”
MiserAlba on how some moms and dads don’t kiss their kids on the mouth: “Really? Why?! It’s your baby. People allow dogs to lick at their mouths.”
Excuse you, MiserAlba, but I’m not one of those people who lets my dog French my lips. Ever since I saw him in a disturbing light, and by that I mean I watched him pull his head out of a pussy butt bakery (aka a litter box) and a freshly baked cat cookie (aka you know what I’m talking about) was in his mouth, I will only greet him by shaking his paw and giving him a Christian side hug. Or maybe he’s the one who will only shake my hand and give me a Christian side hug after finding out where my trash mouth has been. It’s probably a little of both.
When I was a kid, my mom would barely kiss me, because it was hard for her to do it while I was dramatically flailing around and screaming, “EW! GROSS! SICK!” But personally, I think a parent kissing their kid on the lips is okay. It’s normal! One of the only times it’s not okay for a parent to touch lips with their kid is when the mom’s name is White Oprah, the daughter’s name is Lindsay Lohan and while drunkenly hanging out in a club, the mom licks coke off of the daughter’s lips because she doesn’t want any of that good stuff to go to waste. Giving innocent people the non-stop dry heaves is wrong and never ever okay.
And here’s Jessica Alba and her brother looking like TweedleMess and TweedleMessier while smiling (she smiles!) in NYC yesterday.