Charlie Sheen’s Mexican Vacation Sounds Like It Was The Charlie Sheen-iest

Because Charlie Sheen is a pill-fried lunatic, it should come as no surprise to anyone that he got balls-to-the-walls insane while on vacation in Mexico over Christmas and New Years. While the rest of us choose to waste our vacations “reading” (the code word I use for getting drunk and taking a nap in the pool) Radar says Charlie Sheen was YOLO-ing it up and making memories that will last a lifetime. Sorry, did I say making memories? I meant to say causing thousands of dollars worth of property damage and eating his weight in pills:

Shortly after his arrival in town, Sheen’s camp summoned a local tattoo artist and his friends to his suite at the five-star Hotel El Ganzo — and what they found there stunned them. “As soon as we get to the place, his bodyguard opens the door and invites us in,” one of Sheen’s guests tells Radar. “Charlie is seen standing at the table… on the table are bottles of vodka, cigarettes strewn everywhere, a handful of Vicodins… He takes a few and chases it with vodka.”

“What’s up f**gots?’ he says as he notices us enter the room,” the source dished. “We all meet Charlie and after he tells us about the tattoo he wants. We sit down to get started. Halfway through this tattoo, he takes some more Vicodin,” the source claimed. “[Then] without warning, Charlie punches a hole in the wall in front of him. He would later sign his name above the hole.”’

Before long, the source said, it became clear that Sheen was “really f*cked up. He strips down to his boxers and proceeds to set his shorts on fire!”

You’d think this episode of True Tales of Lizard-Faced Terror ends with Charlie lighting his crusty Hanes on fire, but – doye – we’re talking about Charlie, not Emilio (I know, Coach Bombay would NEVER). Shortly after, Charlie dares one of the male tattoo artists to kiss him for $1000. Knowing that putting your mouth on Charlie Sheen’s toxic maw would quite literally be the Kiss of Death, he declines. Undeterred, Charlie then offers him $10,000 for a kiss, but again, he declines. So if you were thinking of putting money on this years recipient of the Nobel Prize for Excellence In Making Good Fucking Decisions, I’d say the guy who turned down $10,000 to kiss Charlie Sheen’s crack-hole is a sure thing.

(Pic: Radar)