While serving up some “International Male Catalog: Pepaw Section circa 1998″ hotness, Simon Cowell went for a good old-fashioned paparazzi stroll with his crestfallen fur tits, his two fur pups, his gold digging
fiancee piece and the adorable ball of human that they haven’t stopped pimping out since he was born like five minutes ago. Nothing says “I’m taking that #pedorazzi hash tag and using it as a double-sided dildo to fuck both Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell right in their b-holes” like happily parading your newborn in front of the paps.
But we all know that the true stars of these pictures are Simon Cowell’s tits, which look more and more like two blob fish who just rolled around on the floor of a barber shop. Simon knows we all get the moists from seeing his tit dumplings too, because he took his shirt off and gave us the goods. He’s like that middle-aged man who shows up to the club by himself, thinks he’s the hottest shit in the room, hits on everyone and then takes his shirt off on the dance floor to show hos what they’re missing. But really, hairy low-hanging chichis paired with belted jeans IS the look.