Katherine Heigl On Asking For Donations For Her New Movie: “I Gotta Support My Family”

February 26, 2014 / Posted by:

Those hedgehogs were that close to Katherine Heigl and they didn’t bite her finger off or fart in her face. Humanity and the entire hedgehog community are disappointed with them.

The extra slimy phlegm ball stuck in humanity’s esophagus we all know as Katherine Heigl shot an indie movie recently called Jenny’s Wedding, which is about a lesbian who comes out to her conservative family when she decides to marry her girlfriend. It also stars Tom Wilkinson and Alexis Bledel. They already finished shooting it, but the producers need a pile of cash to complete it. On February 11th, they took their Styrofoam change cups over to Indiegogo and shook ‘em for donations. That shit ain’t no Veronica Mars, because their goal is $150,000 and so far they’ve gotten just a little under $33,000 with 31 days to go.

During her Grey’s Anatomy days, bitch couldn’t take a piss in a toilet without at least $1,000 cash dropping out of her cooch. Heigl had money coming out of everywhere. So a lot of hos (including this ho) wondered why Katherine couldn’t just reach up into her ass, move the stick to the right a bit, grab a stack of money behind it and use that shit to fund the rest of her movie. The quick answer is: Because she’s a bitch. But Katherine told TMZ (via UsWeekly) at LAX the other day, that her checking account isn’t filled to the top with gold bars like in the glory days of her career and she has to feed her family. When TMZ’s cameradude asked Heigl why she doesn’t front the cash herself, she laughed and shat this out of her whine hole:

“I haven’t made that much in the last few years, man. I gotta support my family.”

Bitch, doesn’t everybody have to support their family? What she means by that is she’d rather use the $150,000 to shoot her face up with more fillers. Bitch’s got support her face.

The not-really-reliable Celebrity Net Worth says that Phlegm Sound is worth $18 million and she is getting that Zzzquil money, but her last two movies were huge flops and she hasn’t booked another big movie, because people would rather get a blow job from a garbage disposal than work with her.

You know, the organizers of that the Jenny’s Wedding funding campaign went about it the wrong way. If you donate $15,000, you get the wedding dress that Katherine Heigl wore in the movie. Who wants that shit? The only reason to buy a dress that Heigl wore is to use it in some kind of voodoo ceremony to curse her (everybody in Hollywood just collectively bought it). What they should’ve done is promised to wire Katherine’s jaw shut when they reached $150,000. They would’ve had enough cash to fund Jenny’s Wedding, Jenny’s Divorce, Jenny’s Second Wedding, Jenny’s Second Divorce, Jenny’s Custody Battle and Jenny’s Funeral.

 

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