“Desperate dumb fuck!” said Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Aniston in unison.
Superman’s former photo-op co-stroller Kaley Cuoco got engaged and married tennis player Ryan Sweeting within six months of meeting him face-to-face for the first time in both of their lives and she told David Letterman (via UsWeekly) last night that they both pressed the forward button on their relationship one second after their first date. Kaley Cuckoo claims that Ryan didn’t even know who she was and never saw the Big Bang Theory before they met on a blind date. Ryan flew into L.A. just for that blind date, so either she’s telling lies, he’s telling lies or he’s been hit in the head with a tennis ball one too many times, because everybody Googles a trick before a blind date, especially if they’re traveling for that shit.
Kaley told Letterman that she and Ryan instantly knew they were meant to be together forever and she took him home that night and he never left:
“We actually met on a blind date. I had never met him, and he had really never met me. He still tells me he had never seen the show, he didn’t know who I was.
He came to L.A. for a blind date — and he never left. We had been texting, we texted a little bit. Dinner was great, and then he moved in the next day. I know, it sounds so slutty, but it wasn’t! It all did move quite fast on paper, but we really did know…And I know you’re all thinking, ‘She’s nuts!’ I swear I’m not nuts. We just fell in love.”
Slutty? All of us slutty sluts should be highly offended! Moving a ho in the day after your first blind date is the complete opposite of slutty. Call it “beyond desperate,” “Hewitt-ey,” “stupid,” “crazy,” and “afraid of being FOREVER ALONE,” but I wouldn’t call it slutty. Every word that comes out of her mouth is like a hot pin stabbing into the rawest part of my nerves.
Everybody jokes about how lesbian and New Yorkers move in together fast (New Yorkers do it, because the rent is TOO DAMN HIGH), but they at least wait a couple of dates. But then again, if the dick is good (or my date’s name is Anderson Cooper), I’d move him in, give him my ATM passcode (joke’s on him when he tries to take out $200 and gets a slip with a laughing emoji on it) , let him eat from my stash of bacon jerky (not a euphemism) and I wouldn’t scream at him if he changed the channel from HGTV.
Here’s Kaley Cuckoo and her future ex-husband at LAX yesterday.