And to answer the question in your head, no, this is not one of my tias. I think.
We’ve all been there. It’s Friday night, the sweet nectar is running through our veins, we’re lonely and all we want to do is dip our parts on our warm peen and feel the love. A normal person posts a close-up shot of their b-hole in the “casual encounters” section of Craigslist or trolls Grindr for some immediate peen action. But I guess Maria Montenez-Colon of Puta Gorda, FL (Freudian typo and it stays) doesn’t have a friend in her life to teach her how to properly get some quick ass, because she called the police to serve
and protect her piping hot chocha.
NBC2 says that Maria called the police after 6pm on Friday night and reported that she signed her Corvette over to her stepson after her husband’s death and wanted it back. An officer showed up and walked straight into ole girl’s porn fantasy. Maria asked him if he was married, told him he was sexy and then said the words that are in my Grindr profile:
“I haven’t been penetrated in years. I am so horny.“
The officer tried to ignore Maria’s come-ons and kept asking her about the Corvette. Maria turned it all the way up and told the officer he could “fuck her.” While she told him about the Corvette, she grabbed his arm repeatedly and tried to grope his chest. The officer said Maria was one hundred percent wasted and there was really nothing he could do for her, so he gave her a card to call for non-emergency reasons and left. Maria was pissed and a horny, the worst combination, and called 911 again to complain about the officer who refused to sex her. The officer showed up with a second officer and it got messier (but not in the way that Maria wanted):
The original officer arrived, along with a second officer.
Montenez-Colon reportedly complained about the original visit to the second officer, saying, “He was a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to [expletive] me, he turned me down so that made me angry.”
When asked by the original officer if she remembered the conversation about misuse of 911, Montenez-Colon allegedly said, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to [expletive] me?
Maria was arrested for misuse of 911. They must know her at that police station, because she was arrested 4 times last year for battery and probation violations.
Again, somebody get Maria on CRAIGSLIST!
And I cannot hate on Maria, because a story about a desperate and un-touched Colon hits a little too close to homo if you know what I mean.