“Hi My Name Is Rob Ford, But You Can Call Me DJ Drunk Junkie”

February 24, 2014 / Posted by:

While other mayors are working to prevent sanitation strikes and cutting the ribbon on new community centers or just making sure the guy who cleans up the hobo poop from the sidewalks is getting a raise (he deserves it), Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford can be found in da cluuub spastically trying his hand at DJing. At least that’s what I’m told this video is; it looks more like this cat is trying to play with a Cat’s Meow, but what do I know? I’m clearly not up to date on the underground crack-smoking drunk mayor DJ scene.

According to The National Post, Mayor Rob Ford made an surprise appearance at a fundraiser for local musicians on Saturday night at a Toronto bar. Yeah, allow me to tell you what really happened: Rob Ford was getting drunk at a bar and when he got up to take a piss, he noticed a fundraiser was happening in the next room and crashed it. Knowing that it’s always better to have a happy drunk Ford rather than an angry drunk Ford, they just let him stay and fuck around with the DJ equipment to his little heart’s content, and nobody booed him because they didn’t want to end up on life support. All that DJing caused him to work up a hunger (much work, such exercise), so he ripped all the knobs off the mixer and dipped them into the Chalet Sauce he carries around with him in a BeerBelly. I know the video doesn’t show that part, but it’s Rob Ford we’re talking about; there’s like a 90% chance that he actually did that.

Also, here’s a breaking news story about Rob Ford assaulting a fire hydrant with his crack dick, because why not?

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