When Little Critter’s big city fancy cousin Lena Dunham made the cover of Vogue, Jezebel offered up a $10,000 bounty to anyone who’d burp up the pre-Photoshopped pictures. Because I guess they wanted to make a statement about retouching in ladies magazine and because maybe they wanted to see raw and organic pictures of her looking like Rob Ford in a Marc Jacobs dress. It took a quick minute for someone (aka Ann Wintour herself who probably jacked off with a Prada vibrator to the entire “scandal“) to slide the pictures over to Jezebel and stuff the 10 grand in their bra. I kind of thought that the pictures would prove Vogue went full Mimi on Lena Dunham’s pictures, but they proved the opposite. The pictures proved that they didn’t go totally crazy with Photoshop. Womp. Womp.
During an interview with Grantland (via TIME), the entire Jezebel vs. Vogue and Lena Dunham’s ESCANDALO was brought up and she said that Jezebel really took a messy diarrhea in the bed and rolled around in it and she lost a little respect for them for that. (Side note: I’m sure that in a future episode of Girls, Adam is going to take a messy diarrhea on Hannah and make her roll around in it while he jacks off on top of her.)
“I think Jezebel can be really smart and funny, I think it’s just once you’ve been attacked in that way it’s hard to enjoy. They made such a monumental error in their approach to feminism. For me, it was like I just can’t sort of be half-in. It felt gross. I didn’t talk to the woman who did it directly, but I can’t imagine the reaction made her feel particularly great. That much content. I’d lose my mind. I did have sympathy for that. But once they did post the un-retouched images of me that looked so similar…
I was kind of scared to see the un-retouched images of me, I was like, maybe I’m delusional and I don’t look how I think I look. And it was like—they smoothed a line here, and shaved off a part my neck. It was the most minimal retouching. I felt completely respected by Vogue. I felt like, ‘Thank you for removing the one line from my face, because I’m 27 years old and shouldn’t have that there.’
Instead of going like, ‘Hey, we kinda fucked up, these pictures aren’t that retouched Lena, enjoy the Vogue spread that you’ve been excited about since you were eight years old,’ they were like, ‘She’s not retouched, but she could’ve been.’ It was this weird almost political maneuvering that I just had a lot of trouble respecting.”
Two things: I see the shade that Lena Dunham threw at Lindsay Lindsay, because Lindsay Lohan is 27 years old and she has more wrinkles than a crackhead pepaw’s nutsack.
Also, just when I was beginning to nod at Lena Dunham and agree with what she was saying, she became 100% insufferable again by saying that being on the cover of Vogue was her dream since she was 8. If it’s true, that’s annoying. But bitch is probably lying. She’s one of those types that would get on the cover of SkyMall and say it was always her dream. You know those bitches. I had a neighbor who was like that. She’d orgasm over everything and anything. She used to give me Christmas presents every year, so one year I bought her a cheap, ugly, generic mug from Rite-Aid at the last minute. I gave it to her and it was like I gave her a mold of The Hammaconda. She said it was so beautiful and I shouldn’t have and she’s sure I spent a lot of money on it and she’s going to use it every day. Bitch, stop. Save it, put it in the bank. I haven’t stopped rolling my eyes since.