I haven’t thought about Korn since watching a stripper awkwardly pussy pop to “Bitch We Got A Problem” at a strip club in 2008, but yesterday TMZ shat up a piece of Korn back into my brain when they posted a clip of Jonathan Davis getting deep about President Obama using Miley Cyrus’ suffocating pussy lips to distract us from his evil plan to solely takeover the country. Jonathan Davis’ dreads are hairy rods that hold super secret political secrets (he probably has the ending to America’s favorite political documentary Scandal stuck in there).
At LAX, TMZ asked Jonathan about Korn’s video for “Spike In My Veins” which is full of clips of Miley, Kanye, Rob Ford, Justin Bieber and other hos who are always splattered against our TV screens. Jonathan says that when the media was farting out nothing but clips of Miley’s VMAs performance, Obama was quietly passing a law giving him the power to throw any of us into a prison cell anytime he wants. MAKES COMPLETE SENSE! Gossip Cop broke down the truth according to the guy from Korn:
“I think that our government uses [celebrities] to distract from what’s really going on,” explained Davis.
Referring to Cyrus’ infamous VMAs appearance and the subsequent media storm, Davis offered this theory: “When that went down, Barack Obama passed a law that made him basically a dictator… he can imprison whoever he wants.”
Somebody’s been mainlining that Ted Nugent shit, I see.
What’s crazy is that what Jonathan Davis is saying isn’t totally crazy. Miley’s nasty gunk ass tongue is bringing us all to our knees, and if you asked a normal American to name one CNN anchor they’d probably say A.J. Hammer. (Was there any other?!) But if Obama is dangling messes in front of us to distract us from noticing that he’s slowly taking away all our freedoms, can he PLEASE at least dangle better famous whores in front of us? Before he becomes our sole overlord, can he please hypnotize us with an Andrew Shue sex tape or a new Stacey Q album or a Kids Incorporated reunion season? Can he please drop Miley and use Martika as a political hypnotizing tool instead?!