Open Post: Hosted By Kate Upton’s Chichis In Zero Gravity

February 18, 2014 / Posted by:

Before I get into Kate Upton (“Tell her guts my dick said hi” – Maksim Chmerkovskiy “Eww, Maks, you’re a nasty pig. Text me a dick pic.” – me), I’d like to direct your sense of eyesight and your b-hole puckering senses to some pictures I wanted to post, but can’t since we don’t get pictures from that agency. The Daily Mail and TMZ both have pictures of a topless Sugar Daddy Joe Simpson and his leased toy putting Jessica Simpson’s money to good use by vaping on South Beach after a gay pin-up photo shoot on the sand. Papa Joe’s twink piece is sprawled out on the sand giving it to his camera and yes, I started singing “Gays on Film” to the tune of “Girls on Film.” If Papa Joe and his friend took their picture-taking-fun into their hotel room, I hope he doesn’t get hacked, because “Sugar Daddy Joe and His Piece” is not a title I want to see when I’m trolling PornHub. But Sugar Daddy Joe’s piece could still show those Sports Illustrated hos how to really work the camera while rolling around on the sand. Now on to Kate Upton…

It wouldn’t be an issue of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition without Kate Upton’s gigantic chichis in them and this time they threw her ass in a zero gravity chamber. She looks like a big-tittied deer caught in the headlights of a spaceship. For last year’s issue, they dropped Kate in Antarctica and now they dropped her in zero gravity. I’m sensing a theme here and the theme is “put Kate Upton in places where you really never see chicks in bikinis.” So next year they’re going to make her pose in Clay Aiken’s boudoir, I guess.

And here’s a video of Kate’s chichis in zero gravity. It kind of looks like a trailer for the soft-core version of Gravity called Gravitittays.

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