“Why? WHHYYYY? She knew I worked so hard on turning Kim into a fashion icon. I took a lumpy goblin-tramp, power washed off 4 of her 8 layers of skank, and created a sophisticated beauty that makes Grace Kelly look like an damp pile of used diapers. Ricardo, why would she do this to me??” Then Riccardo Tisci softly stroked his head (no comment) and whispered: “There, there. Shhh, don’t cry. It’s not worth crying about, Kanye. There’s always Elle; maybe she’ll get on the cover of Elle?”
Things will no doubt be very awkward at the Kardashian-Jenner dinner table this evening after Kendall Jenner (the nipples one, not the Marla Hooch one) uploaded this picture of her sitting in the front row of the Topshop Unique show with Anna Wintour to Instagram yesterday. Sitting beside Anna Wintour at a fashion show either means you’re going to be on the cover of Vogue, she wanted a snack and chose to eat your soul, or both. But everyone knows that Kendall’s soul was sold to Satan seven years ago, and that if Anna was going to put any of the tacky Kardashian-Jenners on the cover of Vogue, it would be Khloe (to troll the shit out of Kim and Kanye). So let’s just assume it was because the spot beside Anna was reserved for the Death Eater of her choice, but Satan got held up in a meeting, and sent one of his least-offensive minions in his place.
Here’s more of Kendall Jenner and Anna Wintour leaving the Topshop show yesterday, and they each get a Say Something Nice. For a girl who comes from a family with a chronic addiction to too-tight clothes, Kendall looks very nice. And Anna…um…barely looks like a praying mantis? Yeah, that works.