“Alright goblins, first lesson. You’ll never be as beautiful and glamorous as I; you share DNA with Kris, which means the cards are already stacked against you. I advise you work with what you’ve got: shine up your hooves, embrace that forked tongue, and choose skirts that highlight your pointy devil tails. Oh, and a bit of unsolicited advice? Your skin should be pulled so tightly you can bounce a quarter off it. I can’t give you the name of my surgeon, because he only works on 10s, but I know a guy who does pro-bono work for unfortunate 5s like yourselves.”
How humble and thoughtful of Bruce Jenner to allow Khloe and notoriously-good hitter Marla Hooch to join him on Valentine’s Day. Brucie could have had his pick of Hollywood starlets, Saudi Princes, the starting lineup of the Miami Heat (“Aw, jealous!” – Kim Kardashian) but instead he chose to take pity on the gruesome twosome and invited them to have lunch with him. Angelina Jolie just got nervous and clutched her World’s Prettiest Humanitarian award a little tighter.
Here’s more of BRUCIE!! (and those two other hags) filming scenes at a cafe for Keeping Up With Satan’s A-Team. I hope the reason Khloe looks distraught is because they’re filming the scene where Brucie announces he’s leaving. “NOOOOO! She-Hulk so sad! What will people do without Bruce’s delicate features dazzling their televisions?!?!”