Wheelchair Jimmy Calls Macklemore’s Grammy Night Apology ‘Whack’, Then Says He’s Quitting Magazines

February 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Someone call Drake’s mom and tell her she needs to fire up the griddle and get to making some feel-better flapjacks, because he’s having the kind of meltdown that can only be fixed by falling into a maple syrup-soaked food coma. It all started when Drake gave an interview to Rolling Stone (via NY Daily News) where he spit some hot truth about that pathetically eye-rollable apology text Macklemore sent to Kendrick Lamar after he won the Grammy for Best Rap Album, explaining why he thought “that shit was whack as fuck”:

“I was like, ‘You won. Why are you posting your text message? Just chill,” Drake said. “Take your W, and if you feel you don’t deserve it, go get better — make your music.”

“Why do that? Why feel guilt?” he added. “You think those guys would pay homage to you if they won? To name just Kendrick? That shit made me feel funny. No, in that case, you robbed everybody. We all need text messages!”

Oh my god, how fucking lame have rap beefs gotten? “I don’t like the text you sent”. Ah, but that’s a story for another day (Where Have All The Drive-By Shootings Gone? An editorial essay by Allison). The full interview won’t be released until Friday, but Vulture says someone got their hands on an early copy, and confirms that he also talks shit about a couple other rappers, including Kanye West and Yeezus:

“There were some real questionable bars on there. Like that ‘Swaghili’ line? Come on, man. Fabolous wouldn’t say some shit like that.”

Don’t you drag Fabolous into this, Drake! Anyways, Drake didn’t think his comments about Kanye were on the record, so he took to Twitter to rant about Rolling Stone irresponsibly publishing the words he said near an interview (HOW DARE THEY!!)

Calm down Drake, it’s going to be okay. Just whatever you do, please don’t tweet anything you’ll regret about your beautiful cro-mag mug being bumped for a picture of the late Philip Seymour Hoffman.

NOOOOO DRAKE! I know you’re angry, but stop before you tweet something like “And another thing…here’s what I REALLY think about Palestine”. Eventually he wrapped it all up by announcing he was filing for divorce from magazines.

Looks like you should go ahead and shelve that potential cover story of Drake and his rescue tabby Meowchair Jim’meow, Cat Fancy; they are NO LONGER INTERESTED.

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