I keep refreshing People to see if John Travolta has finally and proudly declared that he loves a hard dick on his tongue and when I’m not doing that I’m refreshing TMZ to see if Lindsay Lohan was named Sober Inspiration of the Year by AA, because anything and everything is possible now that Lil’ Kim is knocked up.
At The Blonds fashion show in NYC last night, the gorgeous Etsy Jocelyn Wildenstein doll that was accidentally thrown in the dryer sashayed on through with a bump on her body and most people figured that one of the six DuPont brand titty sacks that she has in her chest slid down her body and got stuck in her gut. But nope, in a few months a real-life human baby will be pulled out of Lil’ Kim’s body and every shade of confusion will cover its face when it wonders why its mom looks like a warped plastic DVD cover of ThunderCats – Season 2 – Volume 2. UsWeekly says that at the after-party for The Blonds’ show, Lil’ Kim told everyone that a Lil’ Kitty is growing in her uterus:
“I’m a mom, but I can turn it up a little! I’m still going to work. I’m still going to be hardcore. The baby has made me even more of a beast!”
Um, I don’t think her unborn baby’s the reason why Kim looks like a Korean man in make-up as the second title role in a remake of Beauty and the Beast. The strip mall plastic surgeon/wax figure artist/potter who Kim pays through PayPal gets all the credit for that.
But jokes about Kim’s Get Along Gang face aside, this is good news! Kim will probably take us all higher when she gives her baby a truly “the fuck?” name and we’ll all get to see what original recipe Kim looked like when her pregnancy face swells back into the early 90s.