I never really took Johnny Depp for a stunt queen type (he always struck me as the kind that liked to kick it at home with a bong and a salad bowl filled with Lucky Charms while he shops for expensive guitars on eBay) but it looks like Amber Heard is really bringing out the attention-seeking child in him. After refusing to comment about the millions of times they’ve been spotted together holding hands or covering up THAT FINGER for the paps, Amber brought Johnny and a giant diamond on THAT FINGER to the Hollywood premiere of her film 3 Days to Kill.
After they finished posing like two scabs you find on your dog’s butt after he takes up scooching his ass across the carpet as a hobby, Johnny leaned in and gave Amber a kiss on the cheek. At least I believe they want us to believe it’s a kiss; it looks more like Johnny is asking Amber: “Can you sniff me for a second? I got a whiff of something that smelled like a hobo pirate took a Long Island Ice Tea dump in a toilet bowl filled with embalming fluid, and I was scared it was me. It is me? Well, mystery solved then.”
And because I know you were like “Who cares about the back? Show me the front!”, here’s Johnny and Amber looking like the last two nasty Barbie dolls in the box at a yard sale (“I don’t care that they’re only $0.50, you’re not bringing those gross things into the house” – your mother):