Michael Ulku-Steiner and Lee Hark, the headmaster (“Hey, that’s my official professional title too.” – Karrine Steffans) and assistant head director of the suburban private school, Durham Academy in North Carolina, who rapped the snow day announcement to Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby.”
Jake Gyllenhaal and Emmy Rossum are dragging their bodies through North Carolina looking for the nearest library to live in, because the second coming of the Ice Age hit the South and North Carolinians now know what it feels like to come out of Nicole Kidman’s vagina during labor. It’s frozen, it’s wet, it’s scary and just as a gust of wind freezes your senses and causes you to be scared of your future, a single ray of golden sunshine hits a part of your face and lets you know that everything is going to be okay, probably (maybe). (The single ray of golden sunshine is one of Keith Urban’s highlights, by the way.) Anyway, because North Carolina is going through it hard right now, a lot of things have shut down including schools.
The headmaster and assistant head director (who covered his body in that Olympic vomit of a sweater) of Durham Academy decided to put some stank on the regular old school closure announcement and rapped it out to “Ice Ice Baby.” Here’s a piece of what they spit out:
“Alright stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back and the roads will glisten…. Sleet falling down like a million missiles, bringing school delays and early dismissals”
Before I even hit play on that video, I was prepared to cover this post with whitepeople.GIF after whitepeople.GIF, but I can’t do that after watching all of it. This is less white than the original and way more hardcore too. This is just a blizzard of YES and both of those dudes are like every dad in every Judd Apatow movie.
And you know, maybe I didn’t do that well in 12th grade as I thought I did. Maybe I need to repeat it, and maybe I need to repeat it at Durham Academy. Nothing makes you want to pull some Strangers with Candy shit like a headmaster who looks like that.