BREAKING: Taylor Swift Cut Her Hair

I’m sure you already heard about this RED SIREN BREAKING NEWS since every network cut into their regularly scheduled programming last night to tell you about it and your iPhone screamed out an alert letting you know, but I’ll tell you anyway since that’s what any responsible journalist (HA!) would do. Yesterday, the worst selling American Girl doll Taylor Swift threw up a video on Instagram of her going full Karlie Kloss in front of an audience of people who really had no choice but to watch and look interested since she signs their checks.

Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms got some kind of bob and judging by that picture above, she also got Bob Costas’ pink eye. If you wiped that lipstick off of her mouth, she’d look like a 15-year-old Southern California skater boi who was discovered at a San Fernando Valley mall by a casting agent for Disney and put in a show that would eventually be called The Suite Life of Zack, Cody & Taylor. The long-lost Sprouse triplet has been found! Taylor could totally work as a 15-year-old twink decoy on To Catch A Predator. What I’m saying is that Taylor Swift would totally date that picture of Taylor Swift.

Here’s another picture of Taylor and her BREAKING NEWS BOB posing with Ellie Goulding:

This goes without typing, but Taylor will eventually write a #1 song about breaking up with those few inches of hair she cut off and those few inches of hair will tell Rolling Stone that the song hurt its feelings.