Tom Brokaw Has Cancer

February 11, 2014 / Posted by:

In news that’ll make you want to cunt punt cancer once again, NBC news anchor Tom Brokaw said in a statement today that for the past 6 months he’s been getting treatment for cancer. In August, doctors diagnosed 72-year-old Tom Brokaw with multiple myeloma, a type of cancer that fucks with the blood and bone marrow. Tom Brokaw (I feel weird just calling him “Tom“) said that the doctors are optimistic. Here’s his full statement:

“With the exceptional support of my family, medical team and friends, I am very optimistic about the future and look forward to continuing my life, my work and adventures still to come.”

I remain the luckiest guy I know.

I am very grateful for the interest in my condition but I also hope everyone understands I wish to keep this a private matter.”

I read that entire statement in Tom Brokaw’s calm, professional newsman voice and it was weirdly soothing. If Tom Brokaw told me in his calm, professional newsman voice that a rabid tiger was right behind me waiting to pounce on my head and eat me, I’d probably stay calm, shrug and say okay. Tom Brokaw’s voice is that soothing.

And Tom Brokaw should do a segment where he explains multiple myeloma the same way he explained Canada to us dumb Americans. Because Tom Brokaw is good at explaining things.

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