Justin Bieber’s Wax Figure Has Been Removed From Madame Tussauds Due To ‘Excessive Groping And Fondling’
Ugh, I feel like just typing the words ‘Justin Bieber‘ in the same sentence as ‘groping’ and ‘fondling’ have put me on some sort of watch list. And if that didn’t do it, then downloading the 100% Not Right picture of Justin Bieber’s wax figure definitely did. If anyone out there knows how to erase the contents of a hard drive, let me know.
I guess today’s theme is Candle-Looking Motherfuckers, because here comes a second story about a plastic face ruined by too much manipulation. According to Page Six, the New York location of Madame Tussauds was forced to retire their 3-year-old wax figure of Justin Bieber after crazy fans turned it into Sloth from The Goonies by violently molesting up the face with their love:
One source said of the Bieber figure, which was installed in his younger, more innocent days, “With no ropes or barriers to stop them, thousands of fans have had their photographs taken with him since then — but it has taken its toll.”
Madame Tussauds New York says the figure has been damaged over the years, and despite regular maintenance, “it no longer does justice either to the star or to the attraction,” and so it has reluctantly decided to remove it.
Madame Tussauds general manager, Bret Pidgeon, acknowledged, “This is disappointing, but hopefully we can welcome a new ‘grown-up’ Justin back to the attraction in the near future.”
What part of that awful wax figure made people want to start aggressively rubbing their no-nos on: the soccer mom vest or the Sears wig? I really shouldn’t be judging these people (no matter how weird or in need of deep psychiatric care they clearly are); if Madame Tussauds ever made a wax replica of The Hammaconda, I’d be the first to plan an elaborate Ocean’s 11-style heist to steal it. Except knowing my dumb ass, I’d end up getting caught before I even made it out to my car. The jig would be up after several guests of Madame Tussauds track down a security guard and complain that there’s a woman curled up in the fetal position on the floor of the restrooms, clutching a giant wax peen and weeping “Thiiiis is the haaaaappiest day of my liiiiiiife.”