Even though he PROMISED he was pulling the train into the station, the Shia LaBeouf Shitstain Express just keeps on a-chuggin with no end in sight. On Sunday, The Artist Formerly Known As Louis Stevens joined the cast of Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac (aka the movie you’re going to secretly watch in the privacy of your own home while clutching a barf bucket) for a press conference at the Berlin International Film Festival. Shia, who’s so notoriously over-it, showed up looking disheveled, thin, and missing a tooth, and decided to leave after answering just one question. When asked about his multiple sex scenes in the movie, Shia answered:
“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.”
Although I’m not sure we can categorized what he said as an answer; I know the NY Daily News says he was quoting French soccer player Eric Cantona from the film Looking For Eric, but it sounded more like the rantings of an annoying, paint-huffing dirtbag. And in other news, what weird bizarro-world are we living in where a five-and-a-half-hour movie about hardcore fucking has to fight for publicity with the kid from Transformers?
After he left the panel, I was crossing my fingers for news that he walked off stage and fell directly into a black hole where he’d be lost forever, but sadly no. Later that evening, Shia returned to walk the red carpet and prove again just how over-it he is:
Oh, fuck right off, you little wanker. You’re pulling this stunt-queen shit now, but let’s see how into paper bag masks you’ll be in 2019 when you’re begging your agent for a cameo in an upcoming direct-to-DVD Transformers film.
Here’s more of Shia wearing his meticulously-crafted publicity stunt, as well as a pre-seagull rant Shia, looking like the park ranger most likely to be fired after a family of four catch him fucking squirrels in their tent: