And my definition is the loosest! I’m such a jaded fuck, I think anyone that goes out of their way to not be a raging asshole on purpose is a hero. An employee at McDonalds didn’t tell me to ‘eat shit’ when I asked for an extra ketchup packet? HERO. Seeing a car wait an extra 10 seconds while an old lady finished crossing the road? HERO. My shower had hot water? OMG SUCH HERO.
With that being said, I applaud Kunty Karl for taking a break from being the World’s Second Largest Undead Kunt (the title of First Largest is being reserved in the event Pimp Mama Kris dies and returns as a zombie) long enough to save Women’s Wear Daily editor Bridget Foley from the pain and anguish she suffered after being detained by customs officials in France. I know: quelle fucking horreur. Showbiz Spy says that Bridget Foley was on her way to the Paris couture shows when she was held up by French customs because her passport was nearly expired, then put in a holding cell before being taken to police. Despite intervention by her bosses at Condé Nast and the US Embassy, Bridget was detained for so long she missed the first day of couture shows in Paris (LE GASP).
Things for Bridget seemed hopeless until news spread to Karl Lagerfeld, who made a couple calls and sent his main Chanel bitch, Bruno Pavlovsky, to free her from a life of prison yard shankings and teardrop tattoos. Bridget Foley later wrote about her harrowing ordeal for Women’s Wear Daily by saying:
“My personal takeaway, should I ever be stopped by law enforcement personnel for anything, for crossing against the light, my first words will be ‘Officer, I’m so sorry.’ And my second: ‘I want to call a lawyer. Or Chanel.’ ”
Who does this bitch think Karl Lagerfeld is? Better Call Saul? Get real Bridget; Karl’s too busy drinking the blood of virgins with Choupette to get you out of a jaywalking ticket. She’s lucky she caught Karl at weak moment; an hour earlier or later and he would have been all: “What a pity. I certainly hope she looks good in orange.”
And today’s Important Life Lesson: France does not fuck around when it comes to passports and will Brokedown Palace your ass.