A strange thing happened in Sochi today…. The singing gayelles-for-pay Russian pop duo t.A.T.u yodeled out one of their songs from 2001 while holding hands and Vladimir Putang didn’t immediately rip off his shirt, jump out of the stands, jump onto a horse and ride down there to turn them from faux lesbians into dick-loving heterosexual women with his potent straight masculinity.
t.A.T.u. performed during the pre-show of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Sochi tonight, because I guess the organizers couldn’t get my personal favorite Russian pop star and golden orchid Philip Kirkorov. Philip knows he’s too good and glamorous for that shit! After those fake Russian lesbians sang while dressed like Fat Bastard’s henchwomen, the Opening Ceremonies began with a womp womp when the fifth Russian snowflake got stage fright and didn’t assume the Goatse position.
Meanwhile, a pack of stray dogs are sitting in the electrical room cackling while holding the power cord connected to that shy snowflake.
Since I live in a far off land of the past, the Opening Ceremonies aren’t going to show here until tonight, so I’ve only been able to see clips and pictures here and there. But from what I’ve seen, I’m not totally impressed. Russia could’ve saved themselves hundreds of millions of dollars if they got rid of all of the theatrics and kept it simple. They would’ve avoided all possible technical difficulties and given hos a real show if they just put a mic in the middle of the stadium and let Sigourney Weaver (as Max Connors as Ulga Yevanova) entertain the world like only she can. This is what the Sochi Olympics Opening Ceremony should’ve looked like:
Даaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! (That’s “yaaaasss” in Russian.)