Last night, Mac Tonight’s half-brother, Jay Leno stepped down as host of NBC’s The Tonight Show after 22 years, which is either great news if you’re a person under 40, or the worst news possible if you’re an elderly woman who’s only reason for living is to mail in wacky newspaper clippings. Personally, my preference for robot skeleton sidekicks makes me more of a Craig Ferguson person, so I could give a shit about Leno. But 22 years at any job should be celebrated, so I’ll pop a bottle of Baileys in his honor today.
Since I can kind-of remember Johnny Carson’s final episode (or maybe I’m thinking of Krusty’s comeback special from The Simpsons) it was my understanding that NBC sends you out with a bang. Instead, NBC broke with tradition and assembled a real who’s-who (no literally, who?) to sing a rendition of So Long, Farewell from The Sound Of Music led by a super realistic-looking wax figure of Billy Crystal. Included in the group of people who looked truly ashamed to be there (snaps to a defeated-sounding Jim Parsons for not shooting himself right there on the spot) was Kim Kardashian, who looked like the slutty entry in the Milwaukee Brewers 6th inning sausage race. Kim waddled out and sang (musically nasal’ed might be a better description) a tongue-in-cheek verse about how she’s the easiest of targets:
“So long, farewell, tonight I told my folks – and now, I won’t be the butt of Leno’s jokes.”
Thankfully there’s still Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson, Chelsea Handler, SNL, myself, most of the internet, and the good people of Twitter who will be able to pick up where Leno left off. And Jay Leno can kick back in one of his many billion-dollars cars thanking the TV gods he doesn’t have to talk about her dumb ass anymore.
And my Say Something Nice is the following: Kim’s face is able to move more freely than I thought! Did you see when she almost opened her eyes all the way? She practically looked alive!