Dylan Farrow’s Brother Is Team Woody

February 5, 2014 / Posted by:

The messy Allen/Farrow drama just keeps getting messier and sadder, and the messier it gets the more Cate Blanchett is rocking back and forth while mumbling to herself, “I will shank them all if this fucks with my Oscar.”

Moses Farrow, Dylan Farrow’s older brother, told People Magazine that he doesn’t believe that his father Woody Allen abused his sister and he echoed his dad’s claim that his mother Mia Farrow embedded the accusations into Dylan’s brain. This little bit of info might knock you right out of your chonies: Moses doesn’t talk to Mia and Dylan anymore, but he is close to his dad and Soon-Yi. Moses, who’s a family therapist (the jokes write and cry themselves to sleep), tells People that Mia was a crazy, abusive bitch to him and that she wanted to destroy Woody for leaving her for her daughter. Moses says that Mia brainwashed him into thinking his father was a Satanic turtle, but when he got older he realized that she was the manipulative one. One hundred percent healthiness ahead:

“My mother drummed it into me to hate my father for tearing apart the family and sexually molesting my sister. And I hated him for her for years. I see now that this was a vengeful way to pay him back for falling in love with Soon-Yi.

Of course Woody did not molest my sister. She loved him and looked forward to seeing him when he would visit. She never hid from him until our mother succeeded in creating the atmosphere of fear and hate towards him. The day in question, there were six or seven of us in the house. We were all in public rooms and no one, not my father or sister, was off in any private spaces. My mother was conveniently out shopping. I don’t know if my sister really believes she was molested or is trying to please her mother. Pleasing my mother was very powerful motivation because to be on her wrong side was horrible.”

After a long ass, messy battle, Mia won custody of Ronan, Dylan and Moses. Moses says that Mia hit him several times and regularly raged at the children. Moses hopes that Dylan will reconnect with Woody (ugh).

“I think my sister is missing a great deal in life in not reconnecting with her father, who had always adored her. It’s important that she assert her independence from our mother and not go through life with the false impression that she has been molested by my father. I am very happy I have come into my own power, separating from my mother, which has led to a positive reunion with my father.”

Dylan, who is living under a different name with her husband in Florida, responded to Moses’ words.

“My mother never coached me. She never planted false memories in my brain. My memories are mine. I remember them. She was distraught when I told her. When I came forward with my story she was hoping against hope that I had made it up. In one of the most heartbreaking conversations I have ever had, she sat me down and asked me if I was telling the truth. She said that Dad said he didn’t do anything. and I said, ‘He’s lying.’

I will not see my family dragged down like this. I can’t stay silent when my family needs me and I will not abandon them like Soon-Yi and Moses. My brother is dead to me. My mother is so brave and so courageous and taught me what it means to be strong and brave and tell the truth even in the face of these monstrous lies.”

Oh, Moses. I guess in all those classes he took to become a family therapist he never learned that two children can grow up under the same roof and go through totally different shit. It happens.

But damn, this is turning into some Jerry Springer-Maury-Ricki Lake-Gordon Elliot shit. This whole mess is making the Lohans look like a healthy and totally functional family.

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