Brandi Glanville’s New Book Is Exactly As Messy As You’d Think It Would Be

February 4, 2014 / Posted by:

…with Leslie Bruce. Poor, poor Leslie Bruce. What horrible, unspeakable act did Leslie Bruce commit in a past life to deserve the punishment bestowed upon her? The next time life feels overwhelming, just repeat this mantra: “I am not Leslie Bruce. I do not have to help Brandi Glanville write a book. My life is okay”.

Grandi (aww, my first typo that stays) Glanville is following-up her best selling book Drinking & Tweeting with the release of Drinking & Dating on February 11th, so good news for those of you who need a new book to use as ‘chatty stranger deterrent’ on public transportation (“Don’t talk to me, I’m dumb. See? Look what I’m reading”). The Daily Mail has found a couple good nuggets from the book, the best being that Eddie Cibrian gave Brandi a bunch of STDs and that LeAnn Rimes is a cunt:

‘I have three permanent reminders of my marriage that I live with every day,’ Brandi writes in Drinking And Dating: P.S. Social Media Is Ruining Romance. ‘[My sons] Mason, Jake, and HPV.’

The 41-year-old blames herself for being ‘foolish enough to believe [Eddie] was faithful,’ but adds that ‘half of all sexually active Americans have HPV.’

While it seems far more recent to her, Brandi writes: ‘It’s been five years now since I discovered my ex-husband was sleeping with half of the women in Hollywood.’

As usual, it is LeAnn who most of Brandi’s anger is directed at, and the reality star even brands the singer with the c-word.

Brandi describes one of her ‘favorite lessons learned’ as ‘When you write an entire c***ry album about your affair with a married man, most people won’t buy it. #JustSayin.’

Shots fucking fired! Also, spelling county as cuntry? Is ‘Leslie Bruce’ the pen name for Bruce Vilanch? Because that joke was very Vilanchy (which is to say it was P-E-R-F-E-C-T-I-O-N). If I can be promised more LeAnn slams, more stories of Eddie’s wandering Cibridick, and more punny cheater jokes, then I will definitely consider thinking about maybe borrowing it from a friend.

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