Good news today for all the dentist’s waiting rooms in Hell; according to Jezebel, a “well-placed source” informed them that Vogue was in L.A. yesterday with their widest-angle lenses to shoot Kim Kardashian for a possible magazine cover. Before you get too excited, when I say ‘shoot’, I mean with a camera: not shot with a gun, shot with a load of jizz (“Been there, done that, made a million from it” – Kris Jenner), or shot into space. I know, I’m sorry; take off your party hats and save the noise makers for another day. But keep those fingers crossed!
This is great news for Kanye West, who’s been pestering Anna Wintour to give his My First Dumpy Stepford Ho Doll a Vogue cover for what seems like years now, because Kanye is smart and knows Kim isn’t capable of anything greater than simply letting someone take her picture. And even then, we’re not exactly dealing with a genius. I don’t know who the photographer was, but I have a feeling he spent most of the day saying: “Kim, stay awake honey. You gotta look alive. Kim, can you open your eyes a little more? Kim? You asleep? You need a nap, Kim? Can someone inject Kim with a syringe full of methamphetamine? We need her to look…how do I say this…not like a Botoxed sloth.” And someone should have told the people at Vogue that a photo shoot was completely unnecessary; they could have just Photoshopped a too-tight beige Margiela dress onto a picture of Jen from The Dark Crystal and saved themselves the agony.
I know you’re dyyyying to see what Kim’s Vogue pictures look like, but nothing will be released until Anna Wintour speaks with Kim’s agent, Satan J. Jackal. So until then, here are picture of Kim filming Keeping Up With Kows You Kould Give A Krap About with Khloe, who – I’ll say it – looks great (if you need me, I’ll be getting a CATscan, since I clearly have a brain tumor), and their little sister Marla Hooch (What a hitter!):